It's just you and me and there's no one around. Feel like I'm hanging by a thread, it's a long way down. I've been trying to breathe but I'm fighting for air. I'm at an all time low with no place to go. But you're always there when everything falls apart.

And it seems like the world's crashing at my feet. You're like me the best when I'm a mess. When I'm my own worst enemy.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"

burn those memories away March 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 October 2007 November 2007 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 January 2009 February 2009 July 2009 September 2009 October 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 August 2010 September 2010

I've been having sleepless night for the past week. I think I've been thinking too much. I hope it wouldn't happen on me:( I really hope it doesn't or else I will regret for life. Please:( I need someone to be there for me when I need a shoulder or a pair of listening ears. If I still don't talk it out to someone, I will go crazy one day:( Someone please save me:(

I don't know what I should do now.
I'm so confused.
After since I came back from obs, everything seems to had changed.
Friends, family and things around me.
Lots of things happened during obs as well. I seem to be the last to know or even know nothing.
I really don't know how to live on in this surrounding anymore.
All I want is to go back to obs, no matter how dirty it is, how terrible it is without technology, I don't mind.
I want to live a simple life like the grandmother at ubin, Chloe ones told us, that grandmother had children in singapore but she does want to live there, all she wants is to live a simple life, without technology, plants her own crops and sell it to earn a living and she does request for anything more.
So in life, we can't take things for guarantied, we must learn to take and repay.
"There's no free lunch in this world. We must learn to earn and achieve it."

I'm sorry for what i've done that made you so annoyed and I know that a 'sorry' can't change anything right now but I'm truly sorry:( I didn't meant to leave you alone, it just that I had no mood to talk and all. I can say everything right here but don't think that you would even read it. I just hope that you can put down all the unhappy things and we will be best friends again:) Hope you will enjoy yourself during obs, and not get sick again. Take care of your health and all. Good luck:)
I wish to give you a hug now and I wish that you will call and talk to me:(
I will miss you for the next two weeks:(

It's really really so long since I last blogged. Although i've not been blogging, but I've been writing down all my happiness and unhappiness. Either my Notes or Twitter. It's not easy to walk through life but all we need to do is 'Don't give up and we can walk to the end' i've been asking myself, what's the point of living in this world where no one is really concern for you, care about you? No love, from no one but blaming you all the time. This will be the sad thing. Trying very hard to forget about the ways you treated me, trying to forgive and forget is not an easy thing too:( What can I do now? Live on with the miserable feelings? Guess, that's the only way. Everyone seems to have their own problems and troubles. Although I wish that I can always have you by my side, but guess that you are as equally troubled with your sickness. So, don't want to trouble you so much. Rest well, love you:)

Lots of things had happened within this few days and I'm feeling damm sad :(

Sabah mission trip started from 29 May and ended on the 3 June. This trip was a memorable and unforgettable one. At first, I don't know why I signed up for this trip but after the trip, I realised I had made a right decision of going to Sabah. The things I'm fear of were: I can't communicate well with all my groupmates because they were all from express classes and I dont know anyone of them. The second thing was that there were a lot of stray dogs there so I was very scared. The most important thing was cant communicate well with the children there. After this trip, all my fears were overcome. My groupmates were really nice and friendly, the dogs there wasn't that firece. Children there were still able to understand some simple language and hand signs. The first day we reach there, we went to the Don Bosco Orphanage to put up a concert and play with them as most of them would be leaving the next day. Although the concert was not well prepared, but I think that the game that we played with them really made them very happy. A simple game like musical chair! If we were to play muscial chair here, I think we would appreciate and would think that it's a boring game. But to them, it's a intersting and enjoyable game. So, we ended our first day at Sabah. I had learnt from the children that what we do, we must always be persiatant and complete it. I can also see that although the children were without parents, they still persistant and never give up on their life. Started of the second day with a mass. The Language at the mass was also Malay which most of us don't understand but we still focused on the mass until it ends. After the mass, we visited the villages with 1500 people living there, there was a primary school nearby which had helped the children to save time from walking a long distance to school. After Visiting the primary school, we went back to the retreat center to had our lunch and take an hour break before we go over to the orphanage to play with them for the last time. This time, there were only 15 children left so, we spilt into two groups where one group would play 'dog and bone' and the other group would have a mini colouring contest. There was a 10 years old boy named Bendanson. He was a very brave boy to me as he was doing the colouring and the rest had finished and go off, he didn't give up until he finish the whole thing. He's a very independent boy which I had to learn more from him and not to rely on others to much. That's the end of day 2. The third day, it was a long and tirring day as it was the harvest festival for the Sabah people. First, we carried all the player and guitars and walked from the retreat center to the football field where the children would usually play soccer there. The children were very cute and active while playing. After the match, we performed our songs for them and they also performed for us. Everyone enjoyed themselves. Proceed back to retreat center to have a quick clean up and next, we continued our journey to celebrate the harvest festival. Lucky there was a lorry to send us there but we have to walk back on our own. At the festival place, we had lunch, games that they organized. Like a mini bowling competition, with plastic bottles filled with water as the pins and a pamelo as the bowling ball. Their games were just very simple and easy that made people happy and enjoyable. Last but not least before we go off, we had our performance. I felt that our performance were getting better an better each day. It had really boost our confidence after we reach Sabah. I had learnt from these that we shouldn't take things for granted and just be blessed of whatever we have today as there are more people all over the world are sufferring. I felt really happy as we got to experience their Sabah harvest festival. Ended day 3 with a big smile:) Day 4 was actually a great day which everyone were looking forward to as we thought that we were allow to go to the river for a swim but it was cancelled. So, it end up to be a relax day for everyone but not me. Because I got skin allergy on the third day so I had to see the doctor. I did not know I got any allergy and it's so serious that I had an injection. The hospital there was like a school with one whole row of rooms. While the four of us went to see the doctor, the rest went over to the orphanage to do some cleaning up and play with the kids. This time, there were less than 10 children. They wanted to help to paint the walls but it was a public holiday so no shops were opened. I want to thank Borther Ben for sending us to the hospital. There were some side effects after the injection so I was told to rest. For this day, I had experience the Sabah injection and the type of hospital they had. I also learnt to keep myself healthy when I'm overseas so that I wouldn't cause trouble for the teachers. Ended day 4 with pain. Day 5 was really a tirring day. It was my group to serve the food and do the cleaning up so we must wake up earlier than the rest. It was tirring for the tall people while washing the plates because the sink was quite low and we have to bend down even more and so our back hurts. But this was the first time we work as a team to clean up the whole dinning area. I thought that I can't work with my groupmates, I guess I'm wrong. End up we work every well. I was so glad that I'm in this group, St. Mattew!! All of them are really nice, friendly and carring. This was the first thing we accomplished as a group. Next was actually to outreach station but the teachers decided to let us go to the Kota Kinabalu park for a walk. I had learnt that the Kinabalu park was actually bigger than Singapore!! The fastest man who climb Kinabalu took only 2 hours 40 mintues and 41 seconds and he started climbinb when he was 19. But there were risks when climbing as people died on the way. I should go and climb one day and come back alive. After visiting the park and the garden, we went back to the retreat center to prepare to paint the orphanage walls. The teachers knew that we wanted to paint so they went to buy the paints which cost 200 ringgit. Thank you teachers for making our wish come true. Overall, we did a great job in painting despite the rain. Today was the day that it really shows our teamwork as a hold, all 32 students. I had learnt that the more people we had, the more things we can complete:) I hope that the children would be happy after they come back from their holidy and see that they had a new, clean study and playing environment:) The children attitude towards life and the teamwork we had, had touched me deeply on this trip. I hope to have more mission trips again:)
Neo Jia Yun
Sec 3/11

Hahaha. I'm blogging in the middle of the night again. I was like this yesterday and I am again today. Guess I got the 'cannot sleep' disease from Monleyy. Hehe. Woke up at 9 in the morning to have breakfast with my aunt and grandfather then go out the whole afternoon to look for suitable furniture for my aunt's new house. From ubi to tampines, ikea to courts. Damm tiring. Reach home at around 2030. Wanted to just go and sleep but I forgot that I haven bathe so I went to fixed my new stool first cause I was damm lazy. Fixing half way, Monkeyy called me. Asked her to call me at 8 but guess that she can't contact me cause my phone no battery. Wahaha. Got lots of things to prepare for fiesta. Prizes will be... a secret. Hahaha. If I say it out on, it wouldn't be fun but only 3/11 people knows. Wahaha. I'm just a weirdo cause I'm like suddenly blog in the middle of the night when everyone is like sleeping already but I doubt Monkeyy is. Hahaha. Maybe she is.

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